Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
