part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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