His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
