do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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