rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
