What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
