It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
