You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
