She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
