New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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