i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
