If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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