Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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