so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
