So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
