they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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