his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
