i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
