O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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