Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
