that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
