I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I need a burrito and a hug.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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