ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
