please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I cockslap morals
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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