Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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