she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
