so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I currently don't understand fingers.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
