well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
