My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
