I didn't shave. On purpose
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
