Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
