3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
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