The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
