im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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