I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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