batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
