i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
