idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
