I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
