Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
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