Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
