A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
