This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Randomize
