You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Yo dont text me then not text me
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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