I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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