just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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