hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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