Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
