Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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