You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
