Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
