His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
