she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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