Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
