i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
